Milestones
- by Christen
Oh my goodness being a mother is just the definition of bittersweet for me. I feel like I hug & kiss & cuddle my boys almost to death & probably tell them I love them each at least 40 times a day. They’re my whole world and I’m a little more than midly obsessed with them. I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to be with them pretty much all the time. Lol.. but lately, their little milestone moments are totally depressing me.
Today Noah sang me his Days of the Week song that he’s learned at preschool. He’s also told me about the apple cider he’s tried, sang other songs he’s learned, told me about the class pet hamster… & on & on and I am simultaneously beaming with pride & heartbroken. Does that make sense? I want to be WITH him for every single moment like that. I want to be a fly on the wall of that preschool so that I don’t miss any of those firsts.. As a lightbulb goes on in his head and he understands something for the first time, I want to SEE that moment for myself! I’m the mom, I’m the one who’s been here for all those milestone moments. I saw the first steps and heard the first words & took him to the potty for the first time.. ME! So now the realization of the fact that I won’t be there for everything from here on out is just too much. I mean, ok.. it’s not “too much”. I’m overreacting here. Or overstating, or whatever. I’m not sitting here in tears right now, although these days it doesn’t take much to conjure them up! But it’s just…….bittersweet. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so glad he’s where he is and that he’s learning so much already! I purposely tried not to drill him with too much preschool stuff before he went b/c if I had, what’s the point of even taking him, right? I didn’t want him to know everything before he went in or he’d just be bored. So I’m glad he’s learning.. I’m glad he’s growing. But man, it’s hard for me not to be there to see it happen.
Then there’s Abram, who’s so sweet I just want to eat him up. He’s such a happy baby & God couldn’t have blessed us any more than he already has with this kid!! He’s exactly what I prayed (hard) for for nine months! I rock him to sleep for his naps & bed but not nearly as long as I had to with Noah. I get him to the “almost asleep” area and then can easily put him down. It’s awesome, but in those moments I can hardly stop myself from squeezing him too tightly! He’s growing so fast! I want to squeeze him tight & stop all that growth so that he’ll stay this size forever
The thing is, I know that the next couple of years with him are going to be a blast. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. I can’t wait to see what his walk looks like or who he gravitates toward, or how he’ll do when we take him to the next class up at church!
Right now he’s trying to walk. He’s mastered the crawling now & seems to me to be lightning fast. He can stand up and stands on his own now for a few seconds before falling. He hasn’t stayed up by himself for more than like 10 seconds yet, but he’s just now 10 months so he’s definitely not far off from where Noah was, and he walked at age one. I think Abram may be a little early. I’m absolutely scared to death that he’ll walk when Steve & I are on our vacation in a month from now. I would be heartbroken!! I’m already having some major anxiety about leaving them, so I’m really hoping they don’t have any huge milestone moments while we’re gone!
He’s clapping now when we ask him to clap. So smart
And he can wave now, and he’s saying Dada all the time but we’re still not sure whether he gets that Steve is Dada or not. You can see his handsome brown eyes registering everything & looking around, exploring his world. I’ll tell him to say mama, then he’ll push away from me so that he can get a good look at my face and then he smiles & buries his head in my neck. And once again, I want to squeeze him a little too hard! I’ll say “kisses?” and he pushes away again to look at me and just stares at me with my lips out trying to kiss him and he kinda opens his mouth like he’s not sure what’s going on… then I kiss him on his top lip and he smiles & buries his head in my chest and hugs me… oh. I love being a mother.
Noah’s been asking me the most random questions (as a 3 year old will), and one of them here recently has been “why did God give me to you?” and I tell him it’s because God knew that no one on Earth could possibly love him more than I do. And I absolutely believe that to be true! No one loves your kids like you do! Love them well!

