I found out last week that I’m pregnant! This is now my fourth pregnancy, which seems really weird. I’ve been pregnant 4 times now, with 5 babies and so far I only have one child! Hopefully that number will increase to two by November. I’m having high hopes for this pregnancy. I kinda feel like it’s the type of thing that might be every other one.. like, we had a miscarriage, then a baby, then a miscarriage, so now we need a baby! Right? I hope so.

I have been praying like crazy this whole last 6 months that God would allow me to get pregnant, but only if it was a pregnancy that would last and give us a happy, healthy baby. I know that He won’t give me anything I can’t handle so if I do have another miscarriage I’m sure things will turn out OK. It’s just the stress that it puts on us as a family and the trying again process is so difficult. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s fun for a while but it becomes a job after a couple of months. Especially with someone who’s psychotic like me and is using a fertility monitor. I know exactly when things should be happening and thanks to my Aunt Marta (and confirming it with the Dr.), I know when you need to try to get a girl and when to get a boy.  I know, it sounds crazy. If you want further explanation though, I’m very open about it! This time we’ve been trying for a girl, which is often said to take longer because you’re not trying right when you’re ovulating.. it’s a few days before. Well, it just so happens that this time, the way things happened, it could be a boy or a girl. So all those months of trying specifically for a girl are out the window! I’m nervous now about that.

Dont’ get me wrong, I’d love another boy. I think it would be so much fun for Noah to have a brother to play with. I just know myself, and I know I’d still want a girl. And Steve is not into having more than 2 kids. Really, I’m not either. I wouldn’t mind more, but the way things go with pregnancies and me… it’s all too stressful to try for more! Plus, you get into the difficulty of having more than 2 kids and the stress it causes as far as family outings, traveling, … tons of things. When our kids are in school I’d really hate to miss one kid’s recital to go to another kid’s game, and then have one kid that has no one there b/c their other two parents are at their other two siblings’ events! That’s uncool and I’d really hate that. I want to be able to go on vacation and have Steve sitting in the seat next to one kid and me in the seat next to the other. A family of four is just plain easier. So that’s what we want. And I have a bad feeling that if I never get to have a girl, I’ll always feel like something’s missing. I don’t know, like I said, I will love a boy just as much. I just have that fear in the back of my mind all the time that I’ll want more later.. or more specifically, that I’ll still want to have a girl later. Right now, I just want a baby! A happy, healthy baby that will add that much more love to our family! And I’m feeling so blessed right now to have Noah and to be pregnant so I’m going to try to cherish every minute of it! Kids are such a blessing no matter what form they come in! And this whole baby-making process has been the biggest, most challenging roller coaster of my life! So a baby is a baby and they will be loved SO much.. I just want it to all work out this time for us! Please say a prayer for me! I have tons of Faith that God will give us another baby.. you just never know if this is the pregnancy that will do that or not. I’m trying to keep the Faith and Not stress!! I’m going to focus on the angel that He already gave me and count myself lucky to have been able to spend a couple of years showering him with all the love I have!